Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
