I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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