i jhust puked up my retainher.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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