I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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