Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
