so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dear god my vagina.
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