I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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