This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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