I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
