at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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