question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
