what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
