She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
