Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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