Do you still have your period?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
