2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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