The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
