in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
