no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize