don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
