are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
