you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
