This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
