Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
