just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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