I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize