White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
