What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
