Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
