I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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