Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
