Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
