Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
