Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
