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and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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