i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
