She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize