We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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