There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
