One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
