I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
