Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
