why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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