it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
please don't ironically join a cult
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
