And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize