When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
