Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
