You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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