All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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