Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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