Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize