I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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