I wish I could punch you in the face.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
