I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
