Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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