I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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