Swine flu. Run for my life!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
