this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
