so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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