Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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