She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i would punch a child for taco bell
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish you could order shots online.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
