i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Randomize
