just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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