You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
