sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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