it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
