Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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