then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize