Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
