I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
