Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
