haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
