Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
