i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
