I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
