census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
