Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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