I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize