I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
