This is not my ceiling
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
