do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
