turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
