living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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